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How to control your emotions: useful tips and exercises. How to learn to restrain emotions - advice from a psychologist, practical recommendations Ability to control your emotions |
Emotions play an important role in human life. Failure to manage them can lead to unfortunate events. This article will tell you what emotions are and how to control them correctly. The content of the article: Why control your emotions?In order to become happy and free, a person must be able to manage himself. Lack of control over your emotions is fraught with thoughtless actions. Feelings are unpredictable and can interfere with even good intentions at any time. Their spontaneous nature makes it difficult to move towards their goals. Everyone experiences emotional experiences differently. When negative, a psychomotor delay occurs, which can even cause pathologies. Failure to control your emotions can also lead to:
As we grow older, we learn how and when to express our feelings and how to control our emotions. If the outbursts of consciousness do not find a way out, then they accumulate. And to avoid this, you have to choose - to suppress or still manage emotions. The first option, unlike the second, will not help solve existing problems, but will only aggravate them. It's like a time bomb waiting to happen. By managing our emotions, we strive for peace and tranquility, and by suppressing them, we live in fear and risk many chronic diseases. Most emotional states have a strong impact on a person’s behavior in society. That is why special methods have been developed on how to properly manage your emotions. Note! Uncontrolled feelings can cause significant harm to relationships with other people. For example, it is difficult to find people who want to communicate with a person who “explodes” for any reason. The main types of emotions in humansSince feelings cannot be the same in different circumstances, it is quite logical that they are divided into certain types. Emotions can be positive, negative (negative), neutral. There is a special type of emotion - affect, in which a person is practically unable to control them. It’s like an emergency program of the body: depending on the circumstances, a person can become aggressive, go on the run or become numb, kill someone, although he hasn’t even hurt a fly before. Positive emotions are:
Emotional reactions to stress can lead to both positive and negative consequences. It would be wise to immediately understand the problem and find a way out of the current situation. Feelings will arise, but their influence will not be so strong, it will be easier to react to external factors and control them. What emotions need to be worked on?It’s not just negative emotions that need control. The skills to control positive feelings and reactions to certain factors also need to be learned to apply. It is worth working with those emotions that can cause suffering, both to yourself and to others, as well as those that make you feel shame for what you have done in the future. Nowadays, coping with internal anxiety, stress, and negative situations is not at all easy. A person has to live non-stop, constantly striving to survive, to be no worse than others, to earn money. All this leads to moral exhaustion. And now he is forced to look for an answer to the question of whether it is possible to control emotions without wasting a lot of time. Christianity talks about the seven deadly sins, such as stinginess, envy, lust, gluttony, despondency, laziness, and pride. They are the cause of many of the resulting vices. Because of pride, we plot all sorts of intrigues against people; because of envy, we hate those who have achieved more than us. If we combine these vices into the “three pillars” of the emotional world, we get the following:
Methods for managing emotionsHow to control your emotions? We often ask ourselves this question. Our attitude towards emotions is somewhat similar to our attitude towards old age, which, as Cicero said, everyone wants to achieve, and having achieved it, they blame it. The ability to withstand stress and not give in to impulses that are not consistent with the demands of reason has always been considered the most important characteristic of human wisdom. In order not to become a patient in a neurosis clinic, you must be able to pull yourself together. But, unfortunately, many do not know how to learn to control their emotions. There are many methods for this. Psychologists advise first to master the following methods:
In order to learn to restrain yourself without showing a violent reaction to certain events, you need to know the basic rules of “emotional hygiene”:
Controlling emotions is an integral part of human development. The ability to restrain feelings also depends on the type of character (melancholic, choleric, etc.). How to control your emotions - watch the video: Negative emotions (anger, resentment) are often the cause of physical and psychological illnesses. Positive energy, in turn, can strengthen both the psychological and physical health of a person. People who are unable to control their emotions often fall into a so-called state of passion. And frequent stays in this state can lead to diseases such as schizophrenia. Emotions are what makes us human. But sometimes the expression of feelings is completely inappropriate, interferes with thinking sensibly and leads to mistakes. You cannot (and should not!) keep yourself from experiencing certain emotions. But it needs to be manifested and expressed at the right time and in the right place. Use your feelings constructively and don't let them destroy everything you've been trying to achieve for so long. Don't rock yourselfRegulate the temperature of your emotions like the temperature on a thermostat. Not too hot, not too cold - just right to feel good. This applies to both good and bad emotions.
People who know how to control their emotions always try to avoid disharmony in their state of mind. Stop to thinkDo you feel like you're boiling? This is a dangerous condition, and you need to get yourself in order as soon as possible. Instead of reacting to the situation immediately, think about what tools and solutions you can use. Cool down and reflect on what happened, regaining your focus and ability to analyze. Hasty decisions most often bring a bitter feeling of regret. On the other hand, a short pause will help you focus on what is most important and choose an effective and tactful way to solve the problem. Avoid emotional overloadEmotional overload is a situation in which a certain feeling completely takes over you. This condition is accompanied by physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, increased breathing, trembling knees, sweating and nausea. Do you feel something similar? This is a clear sign that you are emotionally overwhelmed. Instead of going with the flow and giving up, pull yourself together! Process the information piece by piece, gradually coming to your senses. You can evaluate the result with a sober look. Kate Ter Haar/Flickr.comPractice deep breathingThe body's reaction to emotional overload directly affects all muscles of the body. You experience tension, after which you will definitely feel overwhelmed. To avoid such surges, practice deep breathing. It will saturate your brain with oxygen and help you relax. The technique is very simple: stop whatever you are doing, close your eyes and inhale very slowly through your nose, counting down five seconds. Hold your breath for another two seconds, and then exhale just as slowly through your mouth, again counting to five. Repeat at least 10 times. Avoid emotional companyPeople are known to easily convey their emotions to others. This is why you should avoid those who see only the negative in everything: you will borrow the same point of view without even noticing. The same applies to overly emotional people. If you want to control your feelings and be in harmony, you should distance yourself from those who can be called drama queens. Think about the solution, not the problemA negative reaction to a difficult situation is one of the most common problems associated with emotions. Feeling sad or angry as a reaction to changed circumstances is normal, but irrational.
Make a list of possible solutions, be creative and... During work, emotions will fade into the background, you will come out of the situation as a winner. As you know, a person is not just a physical being who needs food, sleep, etc. Each of us has emotions that are important and need to be expressed. Experienced psychologists advise not to keep your feelings inside and allow them to spill out - this way you can avoid stress and many psychological problems. On the other hand, there must be balance in everything. A person who does not know how to control his emotions is like a car without brakes that rushes along the highway without paying attention to the signs, and then an accident is inevitable. Our feelings, if mishandled, can not create, but destroy us and the people around us. How to learn to control your emotions?This is the question we will try to answer in this article. By following a few simple tips, you will learn what control and self-control are, and learn to control yourself even in the most stressful and unexpected situations. 1. Don’t bring yourself to the “boiling point.”Contrary to many stereotypes, psychologists have proven that any, even the most unbridled, temper can be pacified if you do not push yourself to extremes. Moreover, this applies not only to negative, but also to positive emotions. Developing self-control is something that comes from your own experience and practice. For example, you begin to argue with someone and lose your temper, “heating up” like a boiling kettle. Even if you were not the initiator of the conflict, but you feel that managing your emotions is starting to get out of control, just stop, leave the room, take a break from communication. After just a few minutes you will understand how right this decision was. Thanks to a simple effort of will, you will be able to save yourself and your loved ones nerves, and, in the end, just remain friends. 2. Don't make excuses.Many overly emotional people (especially women) who do not know how to control their emotions often justify their behavior with anything - bad weather, character, creative nature, hormonal changes, etc. Of course, external factors have an influence on our psychological state, but not so much that it cannot be kept under supervision. Start taking responsibility for your actions and learn to control your emotions.3. Beware of sudden emotional outbursts.We live in interesting times, when entertainment and sensations that previously could only be dreamed of have become available. Cinemas with the effect of full presence and immersion in virtual reality, action attractions, incredible roller coasters - all this can cause a violent outburst of emotions. At first it looks like euphoria, which makes us feel good, but then people with a less stable psyche may experience side effects such as increased heart rate, sweating, nausea, fear, etc. Therefore, before attending such events, it is important to learn how to control your emotions and not take unnecessary risks. 4. Do breathing exercises.For those who want to know how to learn to control their emotions, it is important to pay attention to their breathing. We are not talking about some strange techniques, but about the natural process of saturating the brain with oxygen. As soon as you feel, practice the following exercise: close your eyes and slowly take a deep breath through your nose. After holding your breath for a couple of seconds, slowly exhale through your mouth and do the same steps 8-10 times. After the exercise, you will notice a surge of vigor and emotional balance. 5. Choose a calm social circle.Those who communicate with people who have a calm, easy-going character are less likely to wonder how to learn to control their emotions. The principle here is relevant: don’t make me angry, and you yourself will feel better. The less you are provoked into conflicts and arguments, the easier it will be to manage your emotions. No emotions - no problem. However, it is not a fact that constantly being only in such an environment, the development of self-control will be successful, since outside the usually calm social circle, any stress can cause an uncontrollable flow of emotions. 6. Focus on solving the problem.Most arise due to confusion and panic, as a reaction to a problem that has arisen, which towers over us like an indestructible rock. But any problem can be perceived from the other side - as a challenge, a specific task that we need to solve, using all our ingenuity and creativity. No matter what happens, control and self-control are always important. Pull yourself together and say out loud: there are no unsolvable situations, I can handle it, and I will do it in the best possible way! Many people wonder whether it is worth restraining their emotions. And where is the line between excessive emotionality and isolation. If you figure it out, everything is quite simple. The conditional line can be called self-control. In such a state, a person can feel and experience strong emotions, but at the same time he does not allow them to take over him, and at any moment he can sensibly assess the situation. In order to learn to restrain your emotions, you need to put in a lot of effort, but without this skill it is almost impossible to achieve success. Is emotionality good or bad?At first glance, it may seem that there is something wrong with this if a person is emotional and does not hesitate to show it. If he knows how to sincerely cry, truly laugh, get angry and scream. At some moments, such people can even win sympathy. But such sympathy is false and quickly passes. But if a person knows how to be emotional, but at the same time always controls the manifestation of emotions, then he really deserves respect and captivates many with genuine sympathy. In fact, no one is interested in your emotions, few people will really sincerely rejoice at your positive emotions, rather, envy will creep in among many. But many will be glad to see your suffering manifested. And anger and rage will serve for absurd condemnations. This is human nature and nothing can be done about it. Therefore, you always need to understand what you can show to others from your experiences, and what is better to keep only for yourself. But this does not mean at all that you need to close yourself and never show your feelings and emotions. You definitely need to throw out all your energy, both good and bad. But it needs to be done correctly. It is better to throw out negative emotions during physical exercise or on inanimate objects, but not in people. Characteristics of People Who Can't Control Their Emotions
Features of people who know how to control themselves
How to learn to control yourself? To the question of how to learn to restrain your emotions, there is no clear 100% effective recipe. Each person is an individual and their emotional system is unique. But there are practical recommendations from psychologists. By following which you can, to some extent, learn to control yourself. But you need to constantly learn and improve yourself. There is no end point in this matter at which you can relax. Behavior AnalysisIn order to learn to control yourself, you first need to analyze your behavior, your actions, your words, promises and other things. It will be better if you write down your idea of yourself on paper and from time to time review and analyze what has changed. Analyzing your emotionsThe second step towards self-control is to analyze your emotions. It is very important to notice in what situations you allow your emotions to overcome you. And what exactly are these emotions? It is better to write down separately the emotions that you would like to get rid of. The most important rule is to be honest with yourself. Figure out for yourself how you will replace the outburst of negative emotions. This could be physical activity, creativity, and more. GoalsNext, you need to set specific goals for yourself. For example, if you want to get rid of anger, then set yourself the task of under no circumstances being angry with your colleagues for a week. In moments when it’s very difficult, psychologists recommend taking a deep breath and mentally counting to 10. Also very good. Be sure to come up with some kind of encouragement for yourself after a small victory over yourself. If you didn’t succeed in completing the task, then analyze why exactly. The next step is called "playing in reverse"The essence of the game is that when you want to throw out any negative emotions on a specific person, you must do exactly the opposite. That is, to throw out the opposite positive emotion on the same person. We try not to depend on our emotional state. And set your own mood, without taking into account circumstances, difficulties, and so on. After completing all the above steps, you will understand how to control your emotions. It's not easy, but you can always overcome all challenges. It is important to remember that you need to learn constantly; stopping is a step back. But rest is an important part of any study. In order to avoid emotional overload and nervous breakdowns, you need to plan your rest time in advance. Don't lose it. Subscribe and receive a link to the article in your email. We have already discussed the management of emotions in some detail on the pages of our website (course “”), but this issue will probably never lose its relevance, and therefore we continue to create materials on this topic. If you know how to always control yourself and maintain composure, we can only be happy for you. But there are people for whom this is very difficult, and our new article is designed to help them master this skill, which is useful in everyday life. The ability to restrain emotions (control anger, rage, aggression, etc.) will be useful everywhere: from ordinary communication with family and friends to resolving work issues and conducting business negotiations. Let's figure out how to learn this. Why should you be able to control your emotions?Before answering the question of how to learn to control emotions and not get nervous, it’s worth understanding why this is necessary at all. The fact is that if a person is not able to keep his feelings in check, they begin to dominate him. This can cause his behavior to become destructive, cheeky, and even contrary to his own beliefs. A person becomes predisposed to extravagant and rash decisions and actions, and such things as correctness, reasonableness, and attention to others lose their relevance for him. As a result, you can “break the woods” and do a lot of things that you will later regret. In addition, unscrupulous people can take advantage of a person’s emotionality: deceive him, force him to do something, provoke him to do something, play on his pride, put pressure on feelings of guilt or pity, among other things. Emotions can be called that part of a human being that can at any moment take you by surprise and, as if by the wave of an unkind magic wand, destroy a person’s entire life, plans, hopes and aspirations. If emotions are constantly changing (that is, when a person is exposed to first one and then another emotional state), his communication with others is seriously difficult. Feelings that grip a person’s consciousness can easily unsettle him. As a result, he is “thrown” in different directions, and there is no balance or stability in life. Because a person is constantly distracted by emotions, his perception of the world and life becomes dull, he loses the very possibility of finding himself, a deep understanding of his needs, values and desires. An overly emotional life is a path with a bomb, the timer of which can go off at any moment. The inability to control emotions paralyzes the will and makes a person weak, even more dependent on circumstances. But in life you need to be self-confident and capable of self-control. Only then will it be possible to become its full-fledged owner and achieve unprecedented heights. We think these arguments are quite enough to understand the danger of the inability or unwillingness to manage one’s emotional states. But still, it would not be superfluous to find out the opinion of a psychologist on this issue. Here is a short video with the participation of Anatoly Starkov.
What emotions require control?We all know that emotions can be positive and negative. And, it would seem, if we could leave only positive ones and “throw away” negative ones, our life could become much better. But this is only an appearance, because even positive emotions can do us a disservice - for example, driving us into a trap of pleasure. It is necessary to control emotions that cause suffering and pain to a person and people close to him. These are the emotions that force you to do what you don’t like, what is bad. Simply put, we need to manage states and feelings that deprive us of freedom of choice. For example, if a person is very sociable, energetic and cheerful, he may have bad luck at work. This means that your manifestations in those places where such behavior is unacceptable must be kept under control. Otherwise, these positive emotions can lead to serious troubles and problems. But, naturally, it is negative states that are subject to main control. Conventionally, they can be divided into three levels:
These three levels give rise to the lion's share of emotions that you need to learn to control. Think about whether they are familiar to you, whether there are times when you suffer from them, whether you want to cope with them. And if you answered yes, the following recommendations are especially for you. Controlling emotions: main rulesUnderstanding how to learn to control emotions and not get nervous is quite simple. Teaching this skill is based on several rules. Stick to them, and after a little practice you will notice that your feelings begin to gradually yield to your intention to curb them. Detachment from what is happeningMany negative emotions arise in us when someone unreasonably takes out anger, resentment, or a bad mood on us. Such situations occur in everyday and family life, at work and in business, at school, etc. One of the main rules is to “fail” the emotional manifestations of other people, i.e. do not react to them, do not respond to people in the same way. When you are overcome by a surge of negativity, try to distance yourself - distract yourself from what is happening, for example, by switching to another activity, moving away from the scene, or thinking about something positive. Self-hypnosisIn a fit of indignation or anger, think that any life situation is an experience designed to make you a stronger person. Emotional outbursts strengthen the psyche and strengthen character. Treat them that way. Changing your attitude can be difficult when you're not used to it, so try to remember that you're doing it to become a more resilient person who's hard to shake. In this way, you will begin to form an inner core, thanks to which you can confidently walk through life and control yourself. Timely pauseWhen you are in an excited emotional state, it is not enough to simply say to yourself: “Okay, that’s it, stop, we control our emotions.” One of the foundations of managing emotions is the ability to “slow down” your psyche in time, to restrain the development of a specific emotion. To do this, you need, as they say, to turn on your brain, think about what you want to do or say, and only then make a decision - to do it or not. Thoughtful and balanced decisions are what have true value. Therefore, do not rush to tell the person everything you think about him or to be indignant about an annoying incident. Stop, take a few deep breaths and pull yourself together. Breathing exercisesIt’s not just that many auto-trainings and exercises for managing mental states begin with breathing. Breathing is the basis of everything; it promotes concentration, relaxation, calmness, and recovery. If you look at this from a physiological perspective, breathing saturates the blood and brain with oxygen, improving mental activity. And from a moral standpoint, breathing gives you a little time to weigh everything and think about further actions. Therefore, breathing exercises (even one simple deep breath) help normalize your mental and physical state. You will find good exercises in our article “”. “Filtering” your social circleEmotions, especially negative ones, can be transferred from one person to another with lightning speed. Try not to communicate with “negatives” and minimize the time spent in negative companies. If you suddenly feel that people are unfriendly towards you (and in general), it is better to interrupt communication, at least until next time. Emotions are a type of energy with a positive or negative connotation. You should not absorb other people's negative energy. On the contrary, strive to communicate with positive and cheerful people who radiate goodness. Communicating with them will give you great pleasure and recharge with positive feelings. The ideal option is to select or create a social circle consisting only of people who are positively disposed towards life. Spiritual developmentIn the daily bustle, we should not forget that there is also an inner world that requires elaboration. If you want to learn how to control negativity and restrain emotions, try immersing yourself in spiritual development. This does not mean that you need to instantly become a devout and religious person or join a sect. Today there are many interesting teachings and practices that help you find inner harmony, gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your purpose, and learn to live in harmony with yourself and the world around you. But at the same time, you can easily continue your normal life in the usual way. If you are interested in this area, you can take our course “” - it contains a lot of useful information on this topic. Finding HobbiesHow to learn to control emotions and not be nervous - find something you like that can become an outlet. Think about what you enjoyed doing as a child or what you would like to do in your free time now. Surely you will have more than one activity that you will be distracted by with great pleasure. By choosing a hobby for yourself, you will have the opportunity to forget about your worries and problems for a while, relax mentally, gain strength and improve your vitality. Interesting hobbies contribute, and if you suddenly feel offended, annoyed, or uneasy, you can always turn to this “buffer” to sublimate your emotions into specific activities. Sports activitiesPhysical exercise is one of the most effective methods of developing self-control and internal strength (physical, too, of course). This is why it is so common to see people letting out negativity by hitting a punching bag, working out in the gym, or climbing the sheer walls of a climbing wall. If you understand that sometimes emotions haunt you and you simply have nowhere to put your excess energy, make a “knight’s move” - go in for sports. Physical relaxation will give you psychological stability and strength; you will begin to heal your body, filling it with a healthy spirit. If in doubt, look at athletes - most of them are cheerful, kind, positive, love spending time with friends and family, and enjoy studying, working or doing business. The result is obvious! In the worst case (if you don’t want to go to the gym or sign up for a section), simplify your task: jog, do exercises, do push-ups or squats several times during the day. Proper nutritionFood is a source of energy and strength for our body. But, firstly, you can’t eat just anything, and secondly, you need to understand that each organism is individual and also perceives food in its own way. Oddly enough, our internal state and many abilities, including the ability to control emotions, also depend on how we eat and what we eat. For example, if we eat late in the evening, it is very difficult for us to fall asleep, because the body is busy processing food. And in the morning we don’t feel like eating. As a result, we start the day sleepy and exhausted, and this directly affects our condition, decision-making, and degree of self-control. There are many more examples that can be given, but they will all lead us to the same conclusion - eat healthy food. Then there will be self-confidence, a good mood, and energy to manage emotions. Yes, and don’t forget about healthy sleep – it’s also very important. Rejection of bad habitsEven when we think we have good control over our emotions, we may not notice much. Especially if we have bad habits. Moreover, we are talking here not only about smoking and alcohol abuse, but also about such things as negative thinking - in fact, this is also a habit, just like emotionality. Just as some people cannot concentrate and think until they smoke a cigarette, others cannot relax until they drink, others cannot experience an event until they react to it emotionally. All this leads to one result - addiction, loss of self-control, outburst of negativity, absent-mindedness, lack of control. But you yourself understand perfectly well that the less a person is dependent on something, the more free he is in life - in thoughts, reactions, actions, actions. So another recommendation is to think about whether you have bad habits and addictions that are really interfering with your life. And if they are, start getting rid of them little by little. Start with something small and then move on to bigger things. Rest assured that this will help you learn self-control and self-control. Read our articles "" and "". These rules should not only guide you to the necessary and correct thoughts, but become a real guide that will show you how to learn to control your emotions and not be nervous, stop worrying and “twitching.” Become aware of them, feel them, write down their names on a piece of paper and review them early in the morning, during the day and before bed so that you don’t forget to stick to them. To make it easier to practice managing emotions, we offer several useful exercises. The exercises presented below can be performed at any time when you need to control your emotions, i.e. in real time. Traditionally, they are suitable for negative emotions, but for variety and to hone the skill, you can practice them while experiencing positive emotions. We will offer four exercises in total:
We hope that our article, although it did not open your eyes to the importance and features of managing emotions, has expanded your knowledge and given food for thought. The only other thing we can advise is to try with all your being to accept the idea that you are capable of becoming the master of your feelings and emotions, stop being their slave and follow their lead. We wish you to always believe in yourself and, looking in the mirror, see in the reflection a successful, joyful and satisfied person with life. And finally, some more advice from psychologists. Good luck!
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